Grief has a tendency to cloud our judgment, especially when it occurs in the wake of a breakup. Even though we would argue that losing a loved one is never advantageous, at least the grief is over. Despite how shocking it is, they won’t be returning.

When my first marriage ended, I remember that there was a truth there that I was not yet ready to face. It took me nine months of trying everything to change my life, but my ex-wife was done, and that is the way of grief – she was long over hers, and mine, due to my ignorance, had only just begun.

In my nine-month quest to find a way to save the marriage, I had countless conversations with a wide range of people in a variety of settings before I finally understood what I should have known right away if I hadn’t been so invested in the outcome.

We are the problem, that’s all. Our entire investment is emotional. We gave the relationship everything we had. We might not even be aware of how “all in” we really are. We now understand that the logical mind and a heart that is unable to let go are at war with one another. We can win this, the heart urges the mind, so don’t give up just yet!’ – in the vast majority of cases we cannot. The other party has finished.

It can be extremely difficult to let go of the grief-induced double thinking. It’s draining and wearisome.

First of all, we need to understand that grief is its own master. Every time, it takes much longer than we are willing to put up with. We would finish it as quickly as we could. However, it takes time, and in many instances, it may even take years if certain issues aren’t resolved.

It’s important to accept our duality and to keep our tempers in check. A mind that wants to let go but is unable to do so is in conflict with a heart that knows it must let go but is unable to do so. This dual-mindedness is a sign of our grief.

Crisis-related double thinking is a sign of grief.

Grief has an impact in the land of uncertainty.

Contrary to common sense, the only way to get rid of double-mindedness is to stop judging it. We must give ourselves this time even though it is painful and costs us our peace of mind.

We would either give everyone else some time to adjust or we would question why they keep talking about the same things.

The same holds true for us. We attempt to simultaneously hold two poles that are incredibly different as true. Grief gives us the difficult task of doing something that is impossible.

The hardest step to take is accepting that it is over.

Inevitably, however, as we let go of our struggle to let go,

we do ultimately let go.

We are thrown between two poles in the interim period between the shock of loss and the resolution of grief. It’s over, but it isn’t, and it’s over, but it isn’t.